So apparently, this pinto bean-sized fellow is chilling out in my uterus which should be about the size of a grapefruit by now:
 |
| 8 week old internet fetus |
I've found Google to be my best friend:
wearing nail polish while pregnant
yoga poses not to do while pregnant
how much does labor really hurt (32x)
how big will your boobs get while pregnant (aw yeah!)
morning sickness cures
There is a lot of excitement but also a few, small, personal tortures. Not being able to scoop cat litter?! I have FIVE indoor cats and Mount Cat Shit has proven to be a far more arduous endeavor than my poor husband anticipated. On the rare day I'm home and one of those monsters makes a deposit in the poop bank, I have to go upstairs to escape the horrible smell as I now have a super human nose.
Speaking of torture and poop- I've been craving protein and fruits which is awesome, and yet so very not awesome when I have an 8 hour shift and work in a high end fashion store with other ladies. Once a day I announce suddenly that I'm going to take a "5-10 minute walk around the mall" for no particular reason and rather than pull that twice a day I later warn coworkers "If you're gonna have to pee any time soon, you'd better go now. Because I'm about to poop!" Luckily our bathroom is well stocked and as I sit there I preemptively febreeze myself then lysol afterward. I do prefer the mall toilets as they are far away and somewhat more private but whatever.
I also fart in the dressing rooms. Take that, rich ladies!
Everyone around me is pretty happy as they gush over my belly and unknowingly pat what is actually probably just a super full colon as I've been eating A TON. The only "bad"thing I've been eating a lot of is ambrosia salad and chocolate ice cream with cherries, whipped cream, and caramel sauce. Mmmmmm, actually I think it's about time for my nightly bowl.
yeah, i gotta go now
There is a lot of excitement but also a few, small, personal tortures. Not being able to scoop cat litter?! I have FIVE indoor cats and Mount Cat Shit has proven to be a far more arduous endeavor than my poor husband anticipated. On the rare day I'm home and one of those monsters makes a deposit in the poop bank, I have to go upstairs to escape the horrible smell as I now have a super human nose.
Speaking of torture and poop- I've been craving protein and fruits which is awesome, and yet so very not awesome when I have an 8 hour shift and work in a high end fashion store with other ladies. Once a day I announce suddenly that I'm going to take a "5-10 minute walk around the mall" for no particular reason and rather than pull that twice a day I later warn coworkers "If you're gonna have to pee any time soon, you'd better go now. Because I'm about to poop!" Luckily our bathroom is well stocked and as I sit there I preemptively febreeze myself then lysol afterward. I do prefer the mall toilets as they are far away and somewhat more private but whatever.
I also fart in the dressing rooms. Take that, rich ladies!
Everyone around me is pretty happy as they gush over my belly and unknowingly pat what is actually probably just a super full colon as I've been eating A TON. The only "bad"thing I've been eating a lot of is ambrosia salad and chocolate ice cream with cherries, whipped cream, and caramel sauce. Mmmmmm, actually I think it's about time for my nightly bowl.
yeah, i gotta go now
